#and when I have my own Valentine
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Individual character and duo bromides for the upcoming Gavv photobook, to be released February 14 2025! 🍬
#14shyx#kamen rider#kamen rider gavv#toku merch#toku photobooks#toku bromides#the sweets-theme rider series releasing their first photobook on valentine's day aka the day of discounted chocolates#aka my birthday....never have i won as hard as when apink did their last ot6 album (horn) on feb 14 2022!!#i was going through my photobook stash the other day and thought that once i acquire geats complete work box i'm gonna stop there#maybe get the shouma nui but otherwise we're all good in the toku merch department y'know?#bUT THEN THEY PULLED OUT THESE BROMIDES#and i want all the ones with shouma and sachika!!!#honestly it's diabolical that sachika doesn't have her own bromide and has to share with shouma while the bit villain gets his own bromide#but the sachika+shouma one is so so cute and piNK how am i supposed to choose between that and puppy shouma with his twin ><#btw i just know the shouma+hanto one alone will prob go for 5000-ish yen on mercari jpn hA
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🫀 id give you my entire heart, valentine!
#i love gore so much its a very big trend of mine ive come to realize#i love blood when it is not coming out of my own body#happy valentines!!#i waited to post this ^_^ i love metaphors#the amazing digital circus#tadc ragatha#this is also atrd rags btw#im love her<3/p#atrd#atrd ragatha#anywayy#hope u all have a lovely valentines 💘#tw gore#tw guts#tw blood#all of that ect ect
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valentines day pkmn wip ^_^
#im gonna put them on their own canvases and write a little abt their design insp and ideas#i had a lot of ideas but decided to go with the ones i felt worked strongest. although id love to go back to the ones that#didnt make the cut and see if i can rework them.. its a little hard to remember things that correspond to valentines day...!!!!#i wanted to do wedding dress gardevoir.. pearl necklace onix... romantic candle chandelure... heart balloon drifloon....#cherubird was supposed to be delibird but i found it hard to work around the santa theme without making it hard to recognize#so i decided to make it a new pokemon (fakemon?) entirely ^_^ based on seraphim doves and love letters#klefki is based on the pont de arcs bridge in france known for its lovelocks!! it collects charms like halves of best friend necklaces#lockets and lost wedding rings.. sawsbuck is based on tree carvings with lovers names and sakura branches#roserade is based on flower bouquets. i like how its design came out!! the body is supposed to look like a waistcoat#lopunny based on playboy bunnies. the fur on its wrists is supposed to resemble the cuffs. torso has the one piece suit#and their legs have the thigh high stockings. frogadier is based on romantic bubble baths with flower petals#tangela is based on curly old telephone wires that you twirl between your fingers when calling your lover kicking your feet in the air#decidueye has to be my fav though with the cupid theme. also used barn owls bc of the heart shaped face#i cant wait to finish these!!!! i can see these going on my portfolio for sure#my art#myart#pokemon#pokemon design#valentines day#wip#doodles
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it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me
#usually my mental illness is emotional Nothingness. when i take wellbutrin i can feel again!#and when the wellbutrin loses efficacy i keep the feeling but lose the good ones so i just unlock Regular Depression. which fucking Sucks#and a couple weeks ago i ran out of t gel and it is a controlled substance so they wouldn’t give me my refill until the full 60 days were up#which meant i had to be off t for like a week. and i was so so hopeful that it wouldn’t do anything to me.#but it restarted my cycle so i’m bleeding rn. and it is so fucking awful#it Hurts and it feels Humiliating and Wrong#cramps and stomach issues And dysphoria and bleeding. nothing more evil to do to me right now#and it’s worse cause i was done with that. i literally GOT RID OF IT. I PUT THE WORK IN. I WAS FREE.#but i couldn’t have my medicine and now i no longer control my own body. horrifying. so horrifying#wore a kind of ill fitting binder today too and it kickstarted Other dysphoria on the drive home so. messed up rn.#i just want to be able to live my life man. i want to have a body that looks and functions like me#and can feel things and do things#and doesn’t subject me to hurt in multiple multiple ways. that would be really cool.#genuinely it does not fucking matter if god loves me. cause if this is what i go through when he loves me#then i don’t want his fucking love.#i hope god kills himself actually#i want to wake up and just be able to put a shirt on and leave the house. can you imagine a fucking world#gonna try nd sleep for like five minutes and then go to dinner with my mom. i can be okay. i can be stronger than my struggles#i just need to be really fucking angry with god.#great time to be reading paradise lost#valentine notes
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misc photo diary stuff.. also this unintentionally all matches sort of lol.. warm toned photos?
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2. A very pale dusty warm sort of sky. Love the tone of it. All shades of gray skies are amazing.#3. Some flowers outside of a building I walked by. I like the chunky petals and interesting muted color#4. bapy son enjoying the sunlight#5. Picture of a moon and I think two stars or maybe planets or something near it? :0#6. little lines drawn onto the carpet with sunlight from the window blinds#7. The moon illuminating the clouds to an unuusally bright degree. Very inchresting.. It isn't even captured well in photos but in real lif#it kind of looked like everything in the sky was glowing#8. They had heart shaped strawberry biscuits at popeyes this February (I think for valentines day month?)#9. All of the various rocks I've picked up on the ground outside over the past few months. Now that I have a rock tumbler I'm always on the#lookout for interesting ones. Though I'm not sure what all of them are or how well they'd actually polish. I know there are rules about tha#and stuff lol. I do think it's neat how when they're all next to each other there's so many different patterns#and colors and stuff even though they were all taken from basically the same small span of just sidewalks and places along the city#I never travel to different states or anything or even go hours away within my own state.#photo diary
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the only effect that watching fallout gave me is it made me want to play fallout 4 again. and made me miss nick valentine like the fucking dickens.
#hey remember when I made that headcanon so popular about hancock owning a sphynx cat that people drew fanart of it?#my first brush with internet fame... my god how far we have come#new ghoul is cool too but he's no john hancock for me so far. we shall see tho#also man fuck the brotherhood of steel. as usual#also insane that matt berry is in this and also michael emerson. I'm losing my mind#also ONCE AGAIN PLEASE GIVE ME NICK VALENTINE#I miss him so much y'all.
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i’m wearing high top converse for the first time in years and i cannot believe i used to do PE in these. i used to run the mile in these stupit things
#i wanna get the valentines platform high tops but they’re expensive?? when did converse get so expensive#sorry i’m making so many of my own texts posts today it’s just that it’s monday and im unemployed :/#ily. have i told u that lately
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♟️🐈⬛ is so perfect to me because they just. Get. each other. also they come into the relationship with kids who aren't their kids but one of them is basically their kid so they fall asleep watching bluey or blues clues a lot
#♟️ 🖇️ 🐈⬛#🐈⬛ 🖇️ 🐈⬛#grim 'i'm not a kid! i'm basically the same age as the other guys!' of w.akanda#its ok grim i fall victim to kids tv to 😔#anyways#i think. when they get older (maybe way prior to when they get married) elvira presents grim to her Mother and is like 'look at him! you've#accepted him as your son for over fifty years! he has been my son for longer. you should totally let me and leona skip having kids since we#both only agreed on one'#and then her Mother is like 'lmao i love both of you but i am a fertility goddess for a reason so :)'#and boom the twins and then they're done#i dont think they get married until after their kids are grown though#there's def some pressure from his family but hers really dgaf lmao#besides i think after a certain point it gets to where hes spending 85% of his time in the multiverse and its somewhat better over there#(ignoring that it is. in fact. a m.arvel universe.)#he goes back to t.wst one day n gets hit with the 'well well well look what the monkey dragged in' and he immediately responds with 'i dont#want to be here. my gf and her family forced me to leave for my own safety or wtv'#anyways.#🐅 🖇️ 🌬️ 🖇️ 🐍 🖇️ 🐈⬛#i love the idea of the lesbians (aave-l) including leona in their relationship despite him being a Man#i think the transition into him being apart of the relationship was as seamless as it was for him n elvira to finally get together#in terms of accepting him i think it was elvira -> aimil -> valentine -> ainya -> leilani (after some time)#(leilani tried to kill him multiple times i just know)#they all go back to t.wst with him one day and someone turns to leona and is like 'wow. you sure have been collecting some lovers'#'actually i haven't. we're more like their (elvira and aimil's) lovers. they've been collecting us like strays' because is he wrong?#i think the only thing that sets them apart is that while aave-l are married in the eyes of the gods. he's not#bc. yh. while his lifespan is extended greatly. its because of radiation exposure#he hasnt died or been reborn/resusitated by any of them and i think they'd rather keep it that way lmao#they also def keep his phantom around for funsies lmao#elvira 'yeah i kinda kept some of their phantoms cause they looked so sad they were gonna disappear :( they've been living with me on#ramshackle grounds n helping out so maybe they could help out here' of w.akanda
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Thinking about Frank vs Russia again. And about the confirmation that the SINNED system was created at the same time as the DENNIS one. We know Dennis perfected his system for women but we haven't seen him ever date a man or keep a man. We have no confirmation of what he's done, and based on Dennis' eagerness in knowing if Dee and Mac got 2nd dates, I like to think he's never even tested it before. It was all based on observations. He kept it secret all these years and finally saw potential now to test it out through them. When's the second date? He's eager to know. Does it work.
And it does. Ofc it does. It was foolproof. He knew that.
Dennis isn't against a romance with Mac. The system exists since s6, Dennis clearly WANTS to keep a man. He just doesn't understand how that's already happened. Mac likes him? Wdym, he hasn't done the steps yet. Dennis just confirmed that the system works.
We know Dennis' outburst basically meant "You can't be in love with Johnny because he doesn't love you Mac, I don't love you. Move on."
But it also meant "You can't be in love with Johnny because Johnny is me! And you're not in love with me!"
Dennis is rejecting love on all grounds, in both directions. This isn't part of the plan, part of the scheme. This isn't his goal, not now. He's not ready and Mac isn't either.
The goal was simply to get Mac's attention back. To bring them back on equal footing. To be friends again. Dennis is fixing the friendship first, and Mac is being impatient and an idiot and jumping at romance and ruining the careful pacing Dennis is creating.
#trust the structure mac#this post was 2k words long in my notes but im forcing myself to be concise#basically dennis doesnt want romance before being understood and seen by mac#and hes not wrong#ie. dennis didnt necessarily want an RPG he just wanted to be thought of and to be understood#and mac didnt even get that like he truly thought the RPG was the main event#but this episode works for me cuz when mac gave the valentines day gift#he was doing it for himself because now hes out and hes allowing himself to show love and affection#and thats ultimately what dennis always wanted#for mac to make his own decisions without him asking#what was the point of this post i got carried away#anyways yeh mac needs to understand dennis first and at least understand he's capable of having feelings like come on#the bar is low#but just as dennis is obsessed with keeping the status quo#mac thinks the status quo is dennis never liking him back and reciprocating so he refuses to acknowledge anything else#in fear he'll mess it all up and lose dennis#idiots#ok those tags are way too long now#dennis reynolds#mac macdonald#macdennis#macden#iasip#iasip meta#frank vs russia#dennis reynolds meta
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Guz would be giving me a great big hug, the kind where you pick someone up and twirl them around, for having such a successful socializing outing today :]
#i talked in the group even when i was afraid :] about isopods again but also other things dbdjsl#and i held up my end of the convo w this lady that I often struggle to talk to while we were waiting for the bus together !!#and also did not panic or cry or anything when someone yelled at me for smiling fhfkdl#(that person was unwell and i am not offended or upset at all fhdksl they have their own shit going on so i just hope they are okay)#and ALSO did not panic when a great big dog sniffed me as he and his owner were walking by !!!#(i LOVE dogs - theyre a lifelong special interest - but I was attacked by one a few yrs ago so theres a specific breed im terrified of)#(and this was similar to that breed (not exactly the same but similar enough that i still get scared) so !! huge win !! to not panic!!)#I DUNNO i know theyre all such mundane ''easy'' things but they are all very big for me fjfkdl#i will celebrate any win i can get fhjfkdl and these are genuinely all pretty big for me sdbfjkl#maybe it is silly but i have never denied being a silly goose LMAO#however i am very tired now fjfkdl if i can get some dishes washed so i can have a dinner tonight....#maybe i can work on the valentines art hmmmm#we shall see !!! i would love to work on it though fhfkdl#dandy.cmd#💜so good at being in trouble
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not to make another post about loving my girlfriend but I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!
#she's so dsabiduosadas#i just love her so much and everyday with her since we started going out has been amazing but these last few weeks especially so#we spent last weekend at her family's house in the countryside it was soooo good#we were alone and got to play house a little bit watched a ton of dungeon meshi + got to know the little town that she loves so much#and then wednesday was the brazilian version of valentines day which we spent getting take out building the lego flowers i got for her#it was great we both love legos and it was so chill and fun and so us instead of having a fancy dinner or something#oh and she got me a really pretty necklace with my initial on it (and got herself a matching one with her initial)#(we have our own initials cause we're cheesy but not THAT cheesy like having each other's would be a little too much lol)#and then this weekend was amazing#i just love her so so so much#friday i'm gonna go on a trip i had planned since before we began dating and even though it's gonna be fun and i know i'm gonna love it#i'm kinda dreading it a little bit cause it's gonna be two full weeks without her#and those two weeks include my birthday!!!#which i'll be spending in another country without family friends or girlfriend...#i'll be okay though#i won't have her but i'll have the special valentines day edition kuromi plushie she got me today hehehe (she of course has my melody)#and her perfume that i'll use to spray on it... and our couple rings that will arrive tuesday dasodpsadsa#(in brazil it is pretty common to wear rings even if you're just dating someone like most of the people i know asked if there was a ring#when i told them i was about to/had asked her to be my gf. but to me rings are pretty serious so i wanted to wait for a bit#i had told her as such literally in our first date cause she mentioned a friend who got a girl a ring before she was sure the girl wanted t#date her. which she didn't. but then they stayed together. and then the friend asked again. which the girl denied again. but then they#stayed together again. and seems like third time's the charm cause now they're dating fr. lesbians.)#sorry to whoever read all this shit this is too cheesy we're too embarassingly in love
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If I see one more being acting like the term fp is just a word for ywour bestie or partner or whatever I am going 2 throw a chair
#➳ valentin vents#like NO fucking NNNNO an fp is some1 who ywou've developed a big big mentally ill attachment 2 it isn't just ''oh im friends w this being''#it's fucking ''i will constantly overthink and worry about what this being thinks of me / feels / says / does / etc to the point it'll#mess with my own functioning on a molecular fucking basis''#beings acting like having 3 fps is swo ''uwu quirky we r such besties teehee!!'' when if i had 3 fps I'd purrobably kms actually#nawt in a ''its a bad thing 2 have more than 1'' way in a ''fps can be so emotionally mentally physically draining 2 have'' way#n like. YES fps r most often partners (r or qp) or close friends but it's nawt like. oh u have a partner that's an fp. or oh you have an fp#it must automatically be ur partner. like no u can have normal relationships w ur friends or partners while having fp-attachments on beings#like family members or such#sigh#ok this js all just 2 say how i h8 beings treating bpd weirdly my god#n misusing terminology or whagever ig idk im tired asf i slept so badly last night hopefully this doesn't come off weirdly or wrong
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#warning y'all ahead of time#miserable posts may be coming your way as we approach valentine's day#i am endeavouring to be cheery but it's darn hard#when you live in the same dorm with two couples and have so many friends#who are married or engaged#im starting to think that i should just straight up avoid instagram for all of february#for my own sanity#anyhow#please know. i am trying :')
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i am unknowable and incapable of love goodnight <3
#romantic love i mean#against my will tho bc i want love so bad#but tbh i never feel anything more than awkward when i date 😬#i only feel comfortable with people when there's no romantic pressure idk#would genuinely love to build a platonic life with someone why do i have to be in love to marry someone and have a family w them 😭#love is real im just never going to experience it btw#but i still would like companionship and i really want kids tbh#i dont want to settle for not love in a relationship where thats expected or wanted and the other person loves me#but if it was an entirely platonic no pressure relationship that would be nice#maybe that would grow into love but the pressure of romance right off the bat kills the romance#in need to be close friends for like a decade first#sorry sorry im rambling insane thoughts its 11:30 and i just decided to break up with someone#and he's staying at my home so im even more painfully aware of having another person so deeply involved in my life that they become family#sorry you're not family i dont know anyone but my family well enough to let them be family and i never will please get out of my house#i make no sense but basically i love my family and want kids of my own but i dont want romance in there just platonic family love#romantic love is too hard to find and scary and weird i basically want to live with my actual family and adopt some kids someday sorry#this might change if i met the right person but i would need to be friends with them for a long time with no pressure first#and looking for that person is too forced and weird#anyway#its 11:30 in my 20s a week before valentine's day so naturally i am going insane that's all goodnight
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truly you have to participate in the compliment economy. random compliments are so rare but it's not because you don't deserve them! our discomfort with engaging with other people makes it so that only some people take the initiative to give compliments in the first place, and that's really only if there's something standout about the person they're complimenting. it doesn't have to be that way. get comfortable with telling people that you like their clothes or their hair or that they have nice eyes or a good smile or a pretty laugh or that you admire the way they carry themself or like their music taste or just that you think they're nice or smart or cool. put a little delight out into the world! once you've done that, it opens up similar dialogues bit by bit... and as a secret special bonus, when you tell someone something nice, they're often very happy to have a chance to tell you something nice in return :)
#sorry for being cringe i will always go out of my way to tell a stranger that i like their shirt.#if i'm not making pretty girls smile then literally what is even the point. and all girls are pretty girls#if i notice something i think is cool then i'm saying something.#god as my witness the nice things that i have to say will NOT stay in my head. putting them out in the world 🫡#and again i cannot emphasize enough that girls will get smiley and blush and giggle when you tell them nice things#which is far and away a reward of its own. i just think it's nice to make people feel nice...#if you see something say something. that's all i'm saying.#might make the guy out front of the ross blush and stop functioning when you tell him you like his hat#but a) he is probably not often exposed to a bunch of trans people walking by and someone in cat ears paying him a compliment#and b) he probably doesn't get complimented often!! and you have the power to change that. isn't that awesome#my thesis statement forever. you can just tell people when you like something about what they're doing in life.#i have gay people privilege so i can tell girls they're gorgeous without it being taken as creepy guy stuff#so. y'know. be aware. don't be a freak about it or put people in uncomfortable situations.#but you Can duck across the sidewalk rq to tell someone that you think their bag is cool or their shoes are nice or you like their outfit#it's free it's easy... and you'll never see them again most times so what could even be the harm...#get over your social anxiety by telling boys they have nice eyes it is going to free up your whole world /hj#valentine notes
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Today was an Adventure:
-ordered alcoholic beverage online a couple days ago, culminating in me running out into the wet street without shoes to catch the UPS truck
-impulse bought a heart-shaped mini Bundt cake maker (not just a pan, but a MAKER - you plug it in and pour in the batter and it cooks the cake for you)
-also impulse bought Lindoor truffles whose flavor was listed as "dark strawberry" and I know that that's just dark chocolate with a strawberry filling but "dark strawberry" sounds amazing as a concept
#gonna tell the Ordering Alcohol Online saga in the tags#mostly for my own sake/posterity#so I wanted to buy a bottle of a particular alcoholic beverage as part of a Valentine's day gift#but they don't sell it around here so I had to order it#now of course you have to show an ID and sign for the package when you receive it on account of alcohol#but I live on the third floor of my apartment and the doorbells don't work#so I had a distinct feeling I was going to miss the delivery#and I TOOK EVERY PRECAUTION#before making the order I called the company and asked if they could call or text me upon arrival#and they were like ''well we work with UPS etc. so it's up to them but try sending us an email about it it might work''#so I made the order and sent the email#yesterday I popped down to the business on the first floor and was like ''hey I'm ordering alcohol''#''if they knock on the door would you be able to sign for it?''#the person was like ''well I'm here from 8 to 4 so if it arrives in that time then sure''#today I see an email: order is out for delivery#THE EMAIL IS IN MY PROMOTIONS FOLDER MIND YOU. I WOULDN'T HAVE FOUND IT IF I WASN'T LOOKING CLOSELY#so I'm compulsively checking the tracking page all day#it says it's supposed to arrive at 7 pm#4 pm comes and goes and no dice#I leave a post-it note on the door: ''dear deliveryperson the doorbells don't work please call/text the number on the back of this note''#6 o clock rolls around. I am still compulsively checking#and then in the middle of watching a Brennan Lee Mulligan video with my bf I compulsively check one more time#''delivery was attempted''#so I hightail it downstairs in the hopes I can catch the UPS people#I don't even stop to put on shoes#I open the door; no one's there but I see the UPS truck across the street#I run out onto the Very Wet sidewalk in my socks#wait for a break in the oncoming cars and jaywalk straight to the truck#it's empty#I sit on a nearby low wall and wait until I see a couple guys in UPS uniforms coming around the corner
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